and a cure was not meant to be,
So he put his arms around you
and whispered "Come to Me".
With tearful eyes we watched you,
as we saw you pass away.
Although we loved you deeply,
we could not make you stay.
Your Golden Heart stopped beating,
hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best."
On a thursday night, June 24, 2010, God took away one of the most important person from my life. This person was my grandma. Her name was Kang, Hee Sue and she was born September 17, 1922 which means she was at the age of 87 when she died. For the past couple of years, she has been in many pain, having to deal with surgeries and not being able to walk because of an hip injury. Throughout these past few years, there have been multiple times where she was admitted to the hospital, but this time it was different. About two weeks ago she got admitted to the hospital and I just figured she would be back after a couple of days like how it used to be, but that wasn't the case this time. Instead when my family and I went to visit her at the hospital, I found out that we were going to put her into a elderly home that was right across from the hospital she was staying at. That alone made my heart uncomfortable, knowing the fact that my Grandma wasn't going to be at home everyday and I had to come see her at a different place. But that feeling was short-lived, because no later than a day after we admitted her to the elderly home, she was immediately admitted back into the hospital because she was having trouble breathing. It's funny how God is, because I actually went to San Diego with a couple of friends and happened to come back a day earlier than I planned on, only to receive that news from my brother when I reached home. So the day afterwards, I went to the hospital to visit her, and I see that she isn't even awake. She is connected to a machine that is helping her breathe, basically on life support. That sight was something that just made me feel weird inside, because out of all the times that she's been admitted to the hospital, not once was she in a situation where she wasn't awake to see my walk through the doors. Than on June 24, 2010, I spent almost the whole day at the hospital waiting in the waiting room, but than decided to leave for a couple of hours. When I came back towards night time around 7-8pm, I came into the hospital hoping that my Grandma's situation had gotten better than before, only to see my family members and parents from my church standing around her with tears in their eyes. The moment I saw this sight, my heart literally dropped. At first I didn't know what to think because I knew what had happened, but I didn't want to believe it. Than my eyes slowly crept up to where my Grandma was lying, and I see that the machine isn't connected to her anymore and that's when the tears came out. Than everyone started to pray for my grandma, but I was still in shock and disbelief. The only thought I had in my mind was, "Why God? Why would you take one of the most important person in my life away when I've been asking for years to only take her away when I'm ready?" I was so angry and confused with God. My mind felt so troubled because half of me was feeling sad with the sight of my Grandma lying there, and the other half was angry and furious that God had taken her from me. If you already don't know, my birth mother left me and my family when I was at the age of 1, and my dad didn't re-marry until I was at the age of 8. So through the ages of 1-8, my grandma was basically my "mom" in which she always took care of me like how a mother would. Even after my dad remarried, my grandma still took care of me. Basically she took care of me the whole 20 years that I have been on this earth, so she means a great deal to me. The next few days I was just dealing with an emotional roller coaster inside my heart. Dealing with all the funeral arrangements, I saw people come to pay their respects to my grandmother, and it just made me think about how I was towards her the past few years. Her whole life was based upon other people, she lived her whole life for her children, than afterwards to take care of her grandchildren. She was the person that taught me how to be the man that I am today. She was the person that took care of me all my life, never complaining about anything. She was the person that took care of me when I was feeling sick, and the person that always made me something to eat whenever I was hungry. She was so many things in my life, taking care of me my whole life, but I couldn't even take care of her well her last remaining years. I think that is the one thing that I regret most whenever I think about this situation. The fact that she sacrificed so much for me, raising me up, and in the end I couldn't even properly take care of her for the last remaining years she was on the earth. This is something that I have to live with for the rest of my life. It has taken me a long time, but I am finally starting to accept that this was God's will. It has taken some time, but I finally am starting to thank God for bringing such an beautiful (both inside and out), unselfish, and caring person in my life. It has taken some time, but I finally am realizing that now she can get all the rest she wants in Heaven, for the hardworking 87 years she had during her life here on earth. I only pray that God will treat her extra special than anyone else in Heaven, knowing what an impact my Grandma has had on my life. The poem that was posted at the beginning of this blog is a poem that I happened to come across and I feel fits perfectly in this situation. God truly did take the best this time, because that was what my Grandma was. I came across this one quote that really stuck out to me:
"In happy moments, Praise God.
In difficult moments, Seek God.
In quiet moments, Worship God.
In painful moments, Trust God.
In every moment, Thank God."
This is something that I'm going to try to remember whenever I come into that certain situation. In a happy moment, I'll praise God. In a difficult moment, I'll seek God and not anyone else. In a quiet moment, I'll worship God. In a painful moment, I'll trust God because I know He loves me and will never do anything to hurt me. And also in every moment, I will thank God for everything He has done in my life. I know that my Grandma is resting peacefully in Heaven, so I don't have to worry about her feeling any more pain because I know she will always be happy. Having this thought in my mind is really helping with the healing process of losing her on this earth. Having this thought in my mind is helping me finally accept the fact that I won't be able to see her physically everyday in my life, but that doesn't mean she won't be with me anymore. I know she will be watching over me and because of that, I know that I need to live my life to the fullest so I she can enjoy watching me do the things that I love. I love my grandma and even though I am very sad that she is no longer with me on this earth, I know that she will always be with me in my heart wherever this life takes me. So I will leave you guys with 2 songs and thanks for reading.
Hillsongs United - Still.
Hillsongs United - All I Need Is You.
-Paul Lem.
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