"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

Dang i randomly came upon this quote, and it just stuck out to me so i decided to write about it. I can't say that i fully understand this because it can be interpreted by everyone differently. For me, i think this quote is talking about how you need to take that image of how someone is supposed to act, care, and say towards you if they love you. If you just have a set of expectations for someone so that you feel loved only when they reach those expectations than you will never experience it. Because we all know nobody is perfect, but God himself. So i feel that this quote is trying to explain that we gained these expectations from past experiences, movies/tv shows, and just how society protrays love. But if you really think about it, love is different between all people. It depends on the two people in that relationship so there can be no set way to love someone because everyone loves differently or at least shows/expresses it differently. You just got to trust God that he will bring someone into your life that will love you how you God knows you are supposed to be loved, but until than we need to learn to forget all these expectations we set on our future relationships because if we keep them, than we will never be satisfied with it. I'll leave you all with this quote also: "In Relationships, thank God when you're hurting or crying. There you are given the chance to measure the importance of the relationship of the person and of yourself...then you grow." So yeah just something for you guys to think about, and thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

Lesson well learned.

So i went to the dentist today, found out that because i stalled in the past 2 years ago now i need to have much more stuff done. So spent about a good hour and a half today just starting one of two root canals, might have to get all my wisdom teeth pulled out, and also gotta clean my teeth a lot. The dentist is really chill and nice though. It's a female which makes it way better because male dentist are just straight up mean when they deliever the news, so she was very nice when she told me that i have to come back once a week for the next two months...The lesson i learned today is DO NOT STALL SOMETHING JUST BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO DO IT. I guess it's really my fault for all this but i'm just going to have to deal with it and at least the girl helpers are really nice to so it's a good atmosphere to be in when i'm getting pwned lol =P so yeah, thanks for reading.



-Paul Lem.

Patience.

I need to learn to be patient. I let my emotions get the best of me and react depending on them and i know it's a really bad habit. It sucks because usually i would say something or do something that i really dont want to say or do, but i can't even apologize for it because the damage is already done. It's hard living life like this because something in my mind will just trigger from a bad memory... and based on that if i come into a similar situation than i react based on all my emotions and basically end it before there is that chance to start it. I'm trying real hard to get through this, and i know its totally unfair to you for dealing with all this. All i can say is im far from perfect and i just try my hardest and now its all in God's hands for our future and if he even wants a future to happen. If you guys and girls dont already know this about me, i usually like listening to songs that depends on my mood at the time, i mean i listen to a little bit of everything, but when i'm feeling a certain emotion i'll lean more towards that so i guess i'll leave you guys with this song: Gio - Every Breath and David Archuleta - Crush. Thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

Too much for my own good.

Do you ever get those times in your life where you are just out of it? Like you will be hanging out with your friends and it's like your body is there but your mind is just gone. Well i get that a lot. It's probably the fact that i think way too much. Because of all my past experiences and whatnot, i feel that i know well enough on how to react to a situation but than i still overthink it way too much. It sucks because overthinking a situation usually makes it a lot worse than what it really is. I noticed through all my thinking that i am way too selfish. All i ever think about is what is going to benefit me, how i need to get a good job so i can support my family later when i start one, etc. Growing up in life, there was always someone that i had to satisfy and when i dont reach their expectations i feel like i let them down and i'm just not good enough. The thing is, thats just how life is...there are always going to be those people that mean a lot to you that you want to js know that they are proud of you. i realized through many hard times that if you keep living life trying to reach other people's expectations, you will never be happy with yourself and how amazing of a person you really are in God's eyes. I'm done living my life for others, i mean its my life so i should be doing what i want and not what others want me to do. But the real reason for my title "Too much for my own good." is that my whole life has been struggle after struggle, hardship after hardship, pain after pain, and falling short of the people that i care about the most and their expectations countless times. Because my whole life has been so negative and basically hard, it's hard for me to imagine or even have a good point in my life. Don't get me wrong, God is good and He has been such an amazing Father to me and i'm not here to just complain, but because of all the bad times i've been through in life, once i have something good in my life it's surreal to me so i dont even believe that it's mine even though it is. That's why i've had too much "bad experiences in life" for my own good. I take for granted all the good people and things in my life because i just don't know how to react or live with it in my life because its something new to me. I hurt people that have been good to me and just want to care for me because i push away or end up hurting them before they might have the chance to hurt me. I mean i'm all about taking risks and chances in life because i love random and spontaneous stuff, but it's just when it comes to my relationships. I'm trying real hard to trust God that He will send someone that will heal me of this hurt that i've experienced with my birth mother, but until i gotta try my hardest to trust you and i want you to know that i am trying real hard. Sorry for such a long post but most likely all my other posts are going to be long as well haha ;P so yeah thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.