The True Meaning of Christmas.

How can someone be so caring and loving to willingly sacrifice their own child to save people they don't even know? I heard of this story, about a dad that had a choice between either saving his son, or letting a train full of people die. The son had been stuck on a bridge, and a train full of people were coming. The bridge was up so the father had a choice of lowering the bridge while crushing his son and killing him, or letting the train full of people die. He ended up lowering the bridge which killed his son, saving all the people on the train. He didn't know what type of people were in the train, all he knew was he had to make a choice and he made it. It turns out that the train was full of people that were drunk and just partying and they didn't even notice the little boy as they passed the bridge. This is just like God sending His only son to die on the cross for all our sins. Today is Christmas eve, tomorrow is Christmas; the day that Jesus Christ was born into this world. There are so many different interpretations and symbols for Christmas, but many times we forget the true reason of this "holiday". Of course, it's known as the season of giving and not receiving, but then as human beings we always fall into the worldly pleasures. We spend so much time shopping for presents, when in reality we forget that is not the true reason for Christmas. Christmas time should be the time where we reflect on how awesome God really is and how much He really loves us to send his only son to die on the cross for the sins we commit each and every day. We should take this time to realize that even though we neglect and disregard God many times in life, He still is faithful and never leaves us in good times or bad. There are so many times in life, that I forget how amazing and loving God really is to me. He is the only person in my life that I can truly depend on, that will never cease to fulfill my needs and just loves me for me. He looks past all my imperfections, and in His eyes alone I stand perfected. I know that all the struggles, hurt, pain, and trials I go through are because God is making me into a stronger person so if I were ever to face them again in the future I would know what to do. He's the only person that will always forgive me for my sins, never judging me by them. I tend to forget that He is the reason why I am living on this earth, and He has blessed me in so many ways and I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for the fact that He sent his son to die on the cross for my sins, and I'm thankful that He will never leave me because that's all I've been used to in my life. So many people have just left out of my life under different circumstances right when I felt that I was getting closer to them or they were becoming a big part of my life, that I just expect it now. But I feel that is God telling me that I shouldn't be too dependent on people, but just be dependent on Him and Him alone. The lyrics "I'll never know how much it cost, to see my sins upon that cross", they play in my mind so much whenever I think about how unworthy I feel to be considered His son, but than he always reminds me that He loves me for who I am and that I am worthy enough. I hope that everyone takes this time to realize how awesome and loving God really is, and just know that He is always going to be there for you. I hope that everyone has a Merry Christmas and thanks for reading!


"So it's with everything I am, I reach out for your hand.
The hope for change, the second chance I've gained.
On You I throw my life, casting all my fears aside.
How could any love than this, ever possibly exist?
So I wait upon you now, with my hands released to you.
Where a little faiths enough, to see mountains lift and move.
Yeah I'll wait upon you now, dedicated to your will.
To this love that will remain, A love that never fails.."



-Paul Lem.

Give Thanks.

The Dictionary definition of Thanks is: to express gratitude, appreciation, or acknowledgment to.

As today is Thanksgiving, it always gives us the opportunity to spend time with our family, eat some amazing food, and really think about what you are grateful for in your life. Whether it being thankful for friends, family, girlfriend/boyfriend, we all have something to be thankful for. For me, I'm thankful for the fact that I get to live in this country where I get opportunities to achieve my goals and dreams that some don't have in other countries. Some people don't have a home or family, but I am grateful that I have both of those in my life. Some people don't have food to eat, but I get to eat three times a day and maybe even more when I feel like it. Some people have to live from paycheck to paycheck to pay all their bills, but I'm lucky that I don't have those worries. Some people don't know God, but I have the privilege of having a relationship with Him. Some people don't have too many friends in their lives, but I am lucky enough to have all my loved ones next to me. Some people have incurable diseases that they were born with, but I was lucky enough to be born with a healthy body. I am lucky and fortunate that I have all these things in my life, but the thing about having so much, is that sometimes we forget about how fortunate we all really are compared to others that are less fortunate. Some people worry if they are going to be able to live the next day in other countries, while I worry about what I need to make my life better. Some people can't get an education where they live, whether it being a financial problem or not, while I get bored and forget the fact that I'm lucky enough to be in college. Some people go their whole lives without being able to do what they want, while I wonder how fast I can finish ALL I WANT as soon as possible. Some people worry that they will not have enough money to take care of their family and financial problems, while I worry if I'll have enough money to buy something I really want, but don't necessarily need. Some people don't have any family members, while I take for granted the fact that I have such a big family. Some people don't have friends to care and look after them, while I have many people that care for me, but don't show them as much concern at times. Being blessed by God and having such a fortunate life, I at times forget the meaning of being grateful for all that He has blessed me with. I take for granted many things in my life, that some don't have and pray for in their lives. This happens to all of us at times:

WE FORGET ABOUT HOW FORTUNATE WE REALLY ARE IN LIFE, COMPLAINING ABOUT LITTLE THINGS, WHEN PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE WORLD DON'T HAVE THE LUXURIES THAT WE HAVE. WORST THINGS ARE HAPPENING TO THEM, AND STILL THEY ARE MORE HAPPY WITH LIFE THEN WE ARE. THAT IS THE TRUE MEANING OF BEING GRATEFUL. TAKING WHAT GOD HAS GIVEN YOU AND THANKING HIM FOR BLESSING YOU WITH THAT THING IN YOUR LIFE.

As another Thanksgiving passes by, I really hope that everyone can actually take time and really thank God for all the things He has blessed us with in our lives. Us thanking him for blessing us with what we have should not just happen on Thanksgiving, but everyday of our lives. We should be thankful and grateful to Him everyday, letting Him know how happy we are that He is in our lives. Now that the day "Thanksgiving" will be done in a couple of hours, Christmas is right around the corner. This is the time when we really need to think about our lives, see how we are living with what God has blessed us, and just reflect on what kind of a person we really are. I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, and I want to thank you for taking the time to read this blog entry.



-Paul Lem.

Nothing Lasts Forever.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
-Marilyn Monroe

The Dictionary definition of CHANGE is: to become different, to become altered or modified, to become transformed or converted.

Nothing lasts forever. Just as the quote above states, people change and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. This quote helps to prove that nothing is forever and that the only thing that is forever is God. Other than Him, on this earth nothing is forever. As we live life, we all go through different changes. We make new friends, new relationships, and most importantly a new you. Right now, I'm in my 2nd year of college, and many people know that the first year or so is the time that many take to find out who they are as a person. People may join fraternities/sororities, start becoming a party animal when they were a good student in high school and vice versa. People get influenced into doing different things, changing the person that they actually were. But there are two ways to look into this. The person could have changed dramatically on the outside but still the same on the inside as before, or the person could have changed on the inside but still the same on the outside. A good reason for this can be the influence from friends. Family and friends are a big part of your life, so when not at home with your family, it's only reasonable that you are out with your friends. So whatever your friends are doing, unless you have a strong sense of what kind of person you are, you will probably be doing the same things because you most likely have the same interest. This just means that you need to be very careful with who you surround yourself with, because from the perspective of an outsider, they will automatically assume you are the same as your friends because that's just what we do first as humans. We classify the person the same as their friends, because if they are hanging out with a certain crowd, they usually have the same interest. This could be a good thing and a bad thing. It could be a good thing in the sense where they may see something positive like a christian group of friends, but also bad in the sense that if you don't party but all your friends do they may just assume you do. But most of the time, people will fall, make mistakes, and have regrets because that's just the way life is. We make mistakes, learn from them, and become a better person. In high school, I made countless mistakes, many things that I do regret but I know that all those experiences made me the person I am today. Now I know my strengths and weaknesses in certain areas, because of what I went through in the past. But it's just hard for me to see people, that I consider close friends that I've known for quite some time, to be making the same mistakes that I made and all I can do is watch. I know what mindset they have, so I know me talking to them won't change it, but it's always good to still go at it. If you see a person that you've known for a long time, start changing for the worse, of course you are going to try to help him/her out the best you can. But people will only be able to change, if they are willing to, and that's what we need to remember. People may change for the worse, because they want to but also want to become better because they want it. A person doesn't change automatically, but it gradually happens over a period of time. I know that many people have those certain type of friends that they've known for a long time, and now are seeing them go down a wrong path but all they do is feel sad at the thought of it. I'm writing this blog because I'm trying to give you guys hope and a solution to that problem. Prayer is the solution and as long as we are willing to be consistent and pray for as long as needed, God will be able to help change anyone if they are willing to change. This subject was just on my mind for some time, and I just really felt like writing a blog about it. But the main point that I want to get across is, people change for better or worse, but we need to always make sure we know exactly what kind of person we are. When you know something for sure, you will never question it in any situation that may arise, so that's what I wanted to get across. That doesnt mean we will never fall into temptation or make a mistake, because no one's perfect, but it's a step closer to strengthing our relationship with God. So I'm going to leave you guys with a quote, showing how much times have changed:

"Remember when... getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst thing you can get from boys/girls were cooties? When Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and Mom was your hero? When your worst enemy was your siblings? When race issues were about who ran the fastest? When war was only a card game? When the most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? When we couldn't wait to grow up?"

Thanks for reading.



-Paul Lem.

Relationships And Honesty.

Relationships and honesty are probably one of the most important things in life, whether it being a relationship you have with God, family, friends, etc. In a relationship there should be honesty, and in honesty between you and a person usually there is a relationship in some sort. The most important relationship you can probably have is the relationship you with have God. Being a Christian does not just mean believing that Jesus died on the cross for your sin, but also having a relationship with Him. But relationships aren't always strong and happy all the time, there are also times of hardship and troubles. These past few weeks have been like that for me, where I've fallen into the worries and troubles of life, and forgotten to spend time with God. In this relationship, I am honest with Him, because i choose to be, but no matter what He knows everything in my life and what I go through. Everyone always feels saddened whenever they think about a past relationship with a good friend, boyfriend/girlfriend that they don't have anymore that meant a lot to them. Well that's exactly how my relationship with God is. Whenever there are these periods of time when I get sucked into the world, I forget about my Father and Savior and it does sadden me that I have been ignoring Him. If you're a Christian reading this, you should know exactly what I'm feeling. The relationship with God is how we should be doing what our other relationships in life such as family, friends, girlfriend/boyfriend..but that's not always how we are. We lie, use, put down, our worldly relationships with each other because that's just the way we were brought up. This society has put an image in our minds, of doing whatever it takes to succeed in life, even if that means using, lying, or cheating out a friend/family member. Usually, I would only blog about one certain topic, but I feel that these two really go hand in hand with each other. Honesty is something a relationship should always have, without it the relationship will never know the full meaning like a relationship we have with God. Of course I'm not saying we need to make every relationship we have in life the same as we have with God, because nobody's perfect and we all make mistakes. We all lie, cheat, steal, basically sin in life, but that doesn't mean we need to do that so unconsciously to our close ones and not care in the process. There is a quote i came upon one day, "Each time you are honest and conduct yourself with honesty, a success force will drive you toward greater success. Each time you lie, even with a little white lie, there are strong forces pushing you toward failure." We all know this quote to be true, that whenever we lie in a relationship, usually the relationship will end. On the other hand, if we are to be honest, then we are one step closer each time to perfecting a relationship with a close one. My relationship with God is not perfect, because there are times that I do lie to myself thinking that I am getting away with a certain thing when I forget that God knows everything. But the difference between my relationship with God and my relationship with family/friends is that God will always be honest with me, and never lie. So instead of a song, I'll leave you guys with those pretty long quote that I randomly came upon:

"Surrendering means, by definition, giving up attachment to results. When we surrender to God, we let go of our attachment to how things happen on the outside and we become more concerned with what happens on the inside.

When we love, we are automatically placing ourselves within an attitudinal and behavioral context that leads to an unfoldment of events at the highest level of good for everyone involved. We don't always know what that unfoldment would look like, but we don't need to. God will do his part if we do ours. Our only job in every situation is to merely let go our our resistance to love.

Relationships are assignments. They are part of a vast plan for our enlightment, the Holy Spirit's blueprint by which each individual soul is led to greater awareness and expanded love. He brings together people who have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth. No meetings are accidental.

In the holy relationship, it's understood that we all have unhealed places, and that healing is the purpose of our being with another person. We don't try to hide our weaknesses, but rather we understand that the relationship is a context for healing through mutual forgiveness. Adam and Eve were naked in the garden of Eden but not embarrassed. That doesn't mean they were physically naked. It means they were emotionally naked, totally real and honest, yet they were not embarrassed because they felt accepted completely for who they were."


I hope that this has helped some people that have been struggling with honesty in a relationship, or just the feeling of insecurity that the other person in the relationship isn't being honest with them. I can relate to this topic a lot so I wanted to write about it and the people who are feeling this know that they aren't alone in feeling that way. When my birth mother left me, even at such a young age, every relationship girlfriend/friend wise, I never really felt that complete honesty like how it is with God. I would push people away whenever I felt that I was getting in too deep, only for the sole fact that i didn't want them to leave me when I cared so much about them. For me, pushing them away was somewhat a test, to see if they actually cared enough for me to keep trying no matter what, and this is what I've have been going through because of what my birth mother did. I'm trying to fix that emotional scar I have, but it's a work in process and I know in time God will completely heal me from that hurt. So yeah thanks for reading.





-Paul Lem.

Dreams.

The Dictionary definition of the word Dream is: an aspiration; goal; aim: something of an unreal beauty, charm, or excellence.

Everyone has a dream profession, girl/guy, or life that they imagine of while sleeping or awake. A dream is something that your mind creates, something that you feel that if you had that certain person or thing in life, would make your life much better or exciting. There are many different types of dreams. The first thing many people think of when they hear the word dream is what happens while you sleep. The images that are portrayed in our mind during the sleeping state, or the scenes that play in your head while resting/sleeping. The definition of dream that I would like to talk about is the dreams that people have in life that they want to achieve. Some examples of these dreams may be making it big in the world as a celebrity, becoming famous, etc. I believe these dreams are only thought up by the person, whenever they see people around them becoming more famous doing things they love and they want that for themselves as well. Everyone should have the confidence to do whatever they have to, no matter how embarrassing or stupid they may look throughout the process, to achieve their dream. The majority reason why people never go after their dream is mainly because of the people they surround themselves with. Depending on whether your family members, friends, peers tell you how much you can or cannot achieve your dream, plays a big role in your decision to go forward with it or not. Throughout my life, I've always wanted to go back to Korea when I became older to make it BIG in Korea either it being an actor, singer, or model. But there has been a lot of negative feedback from my family members that have been making me think twice about forgetting my dream. "You're not good enough to make it" "Don't be stupid, just focus on school" are just a couple of the put-downs I received from my Dad and older brother growing up. The only thing that has kept me going if the positive feedback I've been receiving from my friends and peers. Now I tell them to answer truthfully whenever I ask them if my dream if possible for me, and I trust their answers are from the heart. There is a song that I would like you guys/girls to look up: A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes. It was originally written by Mack David, Al Hoffman and Jerry Livingston for the Disney film Cinderella. The lyrics in this song are for a way to encourage everyone to keep going for their dreams in life, that if they really want to achieve it they should let nothing/no one stop them from gaining it. I feel that the reason why some people put other people down and give them negative feedback on their dreams is because they have been getting the same. It's a cycle of someone putting you down and saying you can't achieve your dream, and then you going and letting your frustration out on another by telling them they can't make it either. The people that rise above this cycle are the ones that block out the negative feedback or even use it as a way for them to try harder to reach their goal to prove those people wrong. So the reason for this blog is really, if u have a dream or goal in life that you would like to pursue, you should give it a try, because you only live once so why not live it to the fullest with no regrets? Thanks for reading.



-Paul Lem.

Putting your Faith in God alone.

"That your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God."
- 1 Corinthians 2:5

God is the one and only person that you can full trust in life. He will be the person you can tell everything to, that will never lie or betray you, and the person that will love you no matter what sin you may commit in life. But isn't it funny how us as Christians, knowing this, still put our faith and trust in men at times? Even the people we call friends in life will at some point, betray, lie, or cheat us for their own personal gain. But still we put our trust in them because they are someone who we have known for some time and we feel they are worthy of it. God has been with us even before we existed, never leaving us once, or betraying us but still we rely on man many times with our worldly problems. I wanted to write this blog, because I really have been feeling this these past few weeks. I've been ignoring God, the person that is the most trustworthy and cares for me the most, for friends/girls/going out. I was recently at a revival on Thursday for my church, and it was so hard for me to come to God to tell him why I haven't been talking with him these past few weeks. The reason was because I was too busy with my worldly problems. My problems with trust, dependency, lies, and pleasure. These were consuming my life towards the point where I felt that I was alone and could not rely on anyone so I took some time to be with myself and just ponder on all the thoughts running through my mind. One thought in my mind is the fact that something I felt would benefit a person that I care about, is only making that person complain and feel burdened by it. In life there are going to be situations that will make you uncomfortable or you just need to put more effort into, but then again some people just need to learn that the hard way in life like I have. My worldly pleasures and everything I built up so far in this world, mean nothing to me if they take me away from God. Because I've been having so many conflicts/problems, it has been making me think more into incidents in the past and think differently about the reasons for them. Usually the end result would be me being more angry, and with that I start being more cautious. I'm ignoring the one person that has actually been the only person to stay by me through all my troubles, never leaving me for my worldly pleasures. This blog entry is a two reason thing for me. The first reason is I just really wanted to let out my thoughts, and the second reason is I want people to realize this. The verse I started this blog out with talks about how we shouldn't put our faith into men, but rather in God. A basic translation for this is, to just depend on God and trust him completely alone because He will never fail you like man will. People change, for better or worse, but God is constant and eternal. He will never leave you no matter what, through good times and bad, and He will always love you constantly. These past few weeks have just opened my eyes really to realize that more. The incidents that have happened were just a reminder to me that God is the person I can rely on with all my heart and soul. Another thing is, God will never give you something you can't handle. I remember always hearing this, how God will never give you something that you can't overcome, so when you reach those times in life where you feel there is too much going on at once and you can't deal with it all, just stop and remember that God would never give you too much to handle and that you can deal with it all with Him by your side. So yeah thanks for reading, and sorry I haven't blogged in a while. Like I said i had a lot on my mind ;P



-Paul Lem.

Reminiscing.

The dictionary definition of reminisce is: to recall past experiences, events, etc.

Everyone in life will always reminisce of past events that occurred in their lives. Big or small memory, a memory is something that is in the back of our mind and we think back to it whenever we feel nostalgic. Reminiscing gives us the opportunity to look back in our own lives and remember events that made us into the person we are today. The time that I reminisce the most, is when I'm lying in bed trying to fall asleep. I'm not the type of person that can fall asleep easily unless I'm really tired, so since I have all that free time a lot of things run through my mind. People always say that "girls think too much", but in reality, guys think just as much as girls do. Thinking is the time God gave us so that we can reminisce back on an event that happened, good or bad, and how it effected the person we became. Usually a person's first thought would be a good memory, because honestly who wants to remember a bad memory that happened in their life? I'm not saying that means that we don't think back on our bad memories because both of them are what really made us into the people we are today. We take what we learn from those experiences and events and keep the lessons learned from them for future situations. We reminisce on many things in life, not only a particular subject. It may range from a life-changing event, to maybe a girl/guy you like. For me personally, when I reminisce I think about all situations. From girls to my future, my past to who I am now, and events in my past that have changed my way of thinking or my life in general. I just got back from a mission trip to Dominican Republic and what a blessing that was. There is always that cliche of what a person's attitude is when they return from a poverty country, of how that person is so grateful of what they have and how they are blessed compared to the other people. Honestly, that's just a feeling many people are going to feel, no matter it being a cliche or not. It was my second time here, and the Dominican Republic and it's people always open my eyes and my mind to a new way of thinking. That feeling of gratefulness and blessing is not a pity feeling, but more of a slap-in-the- face feeling. What i mean by that is the Dominican people may have way less then we do back in the states, but they take what they have and are so happy and praise and thank God for it. It was such a blessing the second time being there, and I know that God is going to do many great things there. Another thing that has been on my mind recently is the simple question of "where the heck is my mind at?". As I said earlier, I am the type of guy that does a lot of thinking before I go to sleep, being either a big or small thing. So since I've been back from DR, I've just been thinking about my life here. I've known this for a long time, but recently it's been hitting me even harder. The fact that I have many emotional scars from the past and how I've been dealing with them my whole life. Throughout my life, I would try to fill that void with many things: girls, popularity, friends, and i realized that every time I did that it never kept me satisfied. God is the only person that can heal and mend my broken heart and emotional scars, and I've rarely given him the chance to mend it all up. For the topic of girls, I've just had way too many situations that were really unnecessary and even though I knew God didn't want me to, I still went and did it. When it comes to my future, there are so many things that I'm unsure about, but I put my trust and faith in God and I know that He will take care of me and let me know what He wants me to do in my life for Him. I let go of my past because I knew it was hindering my relationship with God to grow. The reason for this blog entry is that I want people to know that it's okay to think too much. People say that thinking too much is a problem, but I believe it's okay to a certain extent. I think God made human beings to think too much, because if not, we wouldn't be caring about anything really. People should think out certain situations, but not towards the point where they feel they need to do things to take control and do something about it. God is in control and just as long as we trust in Him, we will be fine. Reminiscing is the time for us to spend with ourselves, thinking back or ahead, on situations and events that we care about. Because in reality, who honestly will think too much about something that they really don't have a care about? The reason we think too much about specific events/people is because we care about that certain person or situation. So I'll leave you guys with a song and you can look it up and listen to the lyrics: Hillsongs - Amazing Love (You are my King).


The lyrics i want you guys and girls to focus on the most is the chorus:

Amazing love, how can it be
that you my King would die for me
Amazing love, I know it’s true
It’s my joy to honor you
In all i do i honor you.


There are many things in life that we think and reminisce on, but one thing that we should always have on our mind and wonder is how our loving Father would send his son to die on the cross for all our sins, just so we can spend eternity with Him. He didn't have to save us, but He loves us so much that He wanted each and everyone one of us to be with Him in Heaven. I hope this blog helped someone out, and thanks for reading.




-Paul Lem.

You can never really prepare yourself for a Miracle.

There are many things in life that we can prepare ourselves for. We can prepare ourselves for a job interview, a date you may be going on later on that day, our future, etc. One thing we can never really prepare for is a miracle. A miracle is something that just happens. The dictionary definition of miracle is: an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause. God creates miracles in our lives, that show us that He is in control and that it is Him and Him alone that controls everything. A miracle is of course a good thing to us, something that makes our lives better in one way or another. I have seen many miracles in my life, including last summer when I went on my first mission trip to Dominican Republic. The miracle that happened there was just an eye-opening blessing to everyone. We came there to teach the kids about God, but we got taught in return with many valuable life lessons. It was a miracle to see how precious God was to them. Even though they had very little possessions, they still thanked God for all they had and kept their relationship with Him strong. The mission trip was a miracle in my eyes, because i saw how God works through all different kinds of people: shy, unprivileged, low self-esteem, beggars, etc. As long as the person was willing to be used for His glory, God used that person to show true love to another unbeliever. Dominican Republic 2008 was a miracle in the sense of how even though we came there expecting the worst, God blew our minds and surpasses our worst thoughts. He showed us how it feels to live outside of our little bubbles, and that was a eye-opener in the sense that we now can appreciate all that God has blessed us with and not take it for granted. The miracles were simply saving people through the mission trip like the Dominican people that came to know God and the missionaries that needed this mission trip to strengthen their relationship with Him. Miracles don't have to be something huge and physically able to see, but it can also be a miracle on the inside. The miracle i felt through that mission trip on the inside was a refreshing new way of thinking, and getting rid of the mind set that could have ruined my future. There is now 5 more days until I am going back to Dominican Republic for another mission trip. I thought that seeing how I had already been there once, I would know exactly what to prepare and expect, but there are only five more days until I leave and I don't know what I'm doing. All I can do is depend on God and just trust in Him and I know that everything is going to be fine. So I am very excited to see what miracle God will show me through this mission trip, because I know that God will be in the midst of our praise and fellowship. Now don't get me wrong, the mission trip is not something that you can just breeze through easily. It takes a toll on you physically, mentally, and spiritually. Many people always wonder why someone would be willing to go through all this hardship, but there is a saying, "Don't let go of something you can't go a day without thinking about." God is someone that I can't go a day without thinking about, because of the fact that He is my everything. Without Him, I'm nothing, but with Him, I can achieve everything. So I am willing to go through whatever I have to, to bring people to know this awesome Savior and Father that sent his only son to die for our sins on the cross. The hardships is nowhere compared to what Jesus Christ had to go through to allow us to live, so isn't that something that would make us want to do anything we can to bring people to know such an amazing person? I remember talking to a girl before and she asked me, "How do I know you're going to do all the things you say for me?" I simply replied, "If it's worth it, I will do anything to have it." Isn't that the mentality everyone has in life that if something is worth all the hardships and trials that we will be willing to go through that to have that thing in the end? Well God is way more then worth it, so I am willing to give my all to live for him. Thanks for reading.




-Paul Lem.

Judgment.

Dictionary definition of Judgment: the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, esp. in matters affecting action.

Everyone judges people at one point in their lives. It may be a judgment made about a person from their past, present, or future. People may judge a certain person from their past. This is probably the one that I could relate to the most. Because of my past experiences and mistakes I may have made, people judge me from that even if they say they wont. There are always two scenarios with new people I meet when I tell them about my past: one is they judge me automatically and put up a wall and watch me carefully or just too scared to even talk to me anymore, and the other is they say they won't judge me but when they see me do something that will remind them of what I told them about my past they automatically say to themselves "oh I knew it, he's still like that". I've learned to deal with it because it has happened many times in my life, and it doesn't matter to me because I know I'm different now and that's all that matters. Judgment is something people always assume they don't do, but they do it unconsciously. Judging someone is just like making an assumption about a person. The type of judgment that happens in the present deals mainly with assumptions. People assume things about you by the way you act, the way you dress/talk, and the way you carry yourself. After that they will put you into a certain category, but isn't that the exact same thing as judging someone? For future judgments, this has to do with guessing. By the way you perceive and judge them as a person in the present, you guess and assume what kind of life they are going to live and what kind of person they will be in years to come. This is probably the least damage of judgment on a person unless said aloud to the person, because then it will just cause an argument to arise. But I'm not saying that it's okay to judge a person's future because judging someone is something we shouldn't be doing in the first place. In the bible, God says, "Do not judge, or you too shall be judged." Everyone judges, and that is why everyone keeps getting judged back. It's a cycle that does need to be broken, only if we are all willing to see past first impressions and actually take the time to get to know the person inside and out. This is a touchy topic for me, because like I've said, it's something that I go through all the time with my past. It's something that i wish didn't happen but just because I don't want people to judge me, doesn't mean they aren't going to. One day i came across this quote on the internet. The quote said, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them". This is so true, in the fact that the time we take to judge a person, could be the time to get to know such a loving and caring person. Also, if we judge a person by their past, we may just put up a wall and stop talking to that person when we could've had a good friend or lover. Judgment is still a constant struggle in all of us, but it's only a problem if we can't control it and we let it get the best of us. So I'll just leave you guys and girls not with a song but a prayer request really. My grandma has been in the hospital for the past three weeks with pneumonia. She has it in both lungs, and i was just wondering if you guys and girls could just pray for her. I'm sure she will get better, but it would be awesome if there were more prayers so God will heal her quicker. Thanks for reading.



-Paul Lem.

Self-Esteem.

Dictionary definition of Self-Esteem:
- a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.

Many times in life we perceive and define ourselves how others see us. We forget that God made us each in a special way with our own talents, gifts, skills, etc. The way we carry ourselves and how much confidence/self-esteem we have definitely can set a certain impression of us to a certain person. This not only happens with people we meet for the first time, but also with our friends. How we carry ourselves around anyone, automatically gives them a impression of us which is the same as them judging us. They judge us by the way we act and assume things about us that may or not be true. But we fall into that category of their judgement and they always think of us as that certain person. Eventually if you keep depending on your self-esteem by what others think of you, you lose your individuality and mainly yourself. You don't know who you are, and you need other people to tell you. It's sad how big of an impact other people's thoughts have on us, when God is the one that created us and we should always remember we are perfect in His eyes. God is the only person that should actually be uplifting our self-esteem. We are PERFECT to him, he created us exactly how he wanted to so shouldn't that help us to have a better sense of self-esteem/confidence in ourselves? People tend to forget about that because they are so consumed by the world and what's accepted in it. It's hard to see friends that you know are so awesome inside, throw themselves out of the game because they don't have God in their lives telling them how beautiful, good, and worthy they actually are. Who gave us the right to bring someone else down in order to make ourselves look better, but still it happens all the time in life. I am happy to say that i do have confidence in myself and i know who i am as a person so i don't let others opinions affect me as how i view myself. There might be a little chance of time where that may happen, but i automatically remind myself of how God perceives me and i get that thought out of my mind. But i do know of many people that have too low confidence/self-esteem to even start anything as in a relationship. They feel that they aren't good enough because PEOPLE don't praise him/her for their good looks, nice personality, charm, etc. It kills me inside because i know that guy/girl is going to be such a good boyfriend/girlfriend if they actually went for it, but they always take themselves out before they get the chance to. If anyone hasn't caught on by now, the reasons why my blogs are so "deep" and whatnot, is because i want to share my experiences/thoughts on a certain subject or thing that i feel may be of help to someone that may be going through it. These past few days i've just noticed throughout people and their self-esteem. My heart goes out to them because while talking to them, i can see how depressed and sad it makes them. So i felt that i should blog about it, hopefully helping them and others that may be having trouble with their confidence/self-esteem. Shouldn't we as christians not bring our brothers and sisters down but uplift them? The issue of self-esteem is something many if not all people go through in some aspect of their life. After my birth mother left me and my family, i felt that i really wasn't worth anything. I felt i needed to prove myself in everything i did so i can prove to myself that i am actually worth something in life. So getting the approval of my father was a big aspect in my life in the past. But i never could reach his expectations and it took me a while to realize that it as long as i try my hardest God is proud of me and that's all i need. Whenever i feel like i'm not good enough for my dad's expectations, i always turn to God now because i know that as long as i'm doing my best, He is proud of me. As long as i'm doing the BEST i can, and being ALL i can be for God, He will be so proud of me. I think that is a big boost of confidence to know that God created you and you are perfect in his eyes. He is all powerful and to know that you are perfect and worthy to him, should be enough to overcome and heal all those confidence/self-esteem scars of the past. I hope that this has touched and maybe helped someone in any way because my heart does really go out to everyone when it comes to this. So i'll leave you guys with a song you can look up on youtube and listen to the lyrics: Tommy Walker - He Knows My Name.

Some lyrics i hope helps you guys is this the chorus of this song:
He knows my name,
He knows my every thought.
He sees each tear that falls,
He hears me when i call.


You are that important to God where he knows everything about you, every thought you have, every tear that falls from your eye, whenever you call he will always listen and answer you. So don't ever feel you aren't good enough in life, because God says you more than enough and he loves you. Thanks for reading.



-Paul Lem.

The Past.

"Don't regret the things you've done before, because it's made you the person you are today." So many people say this but its a hard quote to follow really. Doing stupid stuff in the past may make you more intelligent as a person, but it still doesnt mean that you dont regret doing it. Many people today let the past define us as a person. All the struggles and hardship we go through makes us a stronger person forsure, because i've gone through so many and i know i'm strong in these areas. Things that may break someone down that hasn't gone through much hardship in the past, doesn't phase me at all. I EXPECT good things in my life to be gone in a matter of time and it's always happened. Some people just have such great lives. They have perfect family, good relationship with God, rarely go through any hardship, have amazing oppurtunities, etc. I used to envy these people so much when i was down and out. But i realized that God did this for a reason. I'm a stronger person than many people i know because of all the struggles and hardships i've gone through in life, and i am thankful for that. Even though every good thing that comes into my life goes away in a matter of time, i know that God is eternal and will never leave me and He's all i need. There's that saying, "People come and go in your life, but God is eternal." That is so true in many ways. When i'm going through so much in life, i feel so lonely. God is the only one who comforts me in my time of need. He's the only one that will always think of me first, and make sure i am okay and just stay there with me when i'm in pain. He doesnt have to say anything at all to me, just the fact that He is there with me shows that he cares for me and loves me so much. I always get these weird phases in my life. In all these phases, i do think way too much and it makes me feel even lonelier. In the past, i used to never turn to God when i felt like this because i would turn to people around me instead. I turned to everyone but the one person that actually really truly care about me, which is God. I've been trying to remind myself to turn to God whenever i do feel lonely, but it's a work in process. But i know that God will send me people that will help me through times like these and be there for me always and i love him so much for that. So yeah i'll leave you guys with this song and you can look it up on youtube and listen to the lyrics: 3t - Disappear. Thanks for reading.



-Paul Lem.

19.

People always quote that one saying, "Age is just a number." That is true in some ways and not so in other ways. I mean im turning 19 soon, it doesnt even feel like its my birthday coming up. I dont realize really why to this point people still celebrate their birthdays. I mean its cool to do that in junior high and under but i mean once u reach high school and all that gaining another age just brings more responsibilites onto you. I think also for my age i've just gone through many more experiences than average people that have made me mature quicker. I feel like i'm old already but it turns out that i'm only turning 19. It's weird how that works out, but than i mean i'm sure God put me through all the stuff in my past to make me mature quicker because it's better this way. I know what i should be doing and what i shouldn't, i have my proritites straight, and forsure looking back my old lifestyle was just plain stupid. High school was just a stupid time and now that i've matured past that i can see other people in that same situation, people starting to get into that situation, and etc. I feel that i can try to help them not get into those stuff, but i mean if they don't listen once or twice or even more than that, than it's really on them and they can just face judgement. Just came back from a praise night and i thought it was much needed forsure. Now-a-days i've been too consumed by the worldly things like my busy schedule that i really have been neglecting God and he's the only thing that matters to me. I'm neglecting the one person that cares about me the most and wants the best for me which is to have eternal life with him in Heaven. I think it's so amazing when people in relationships right now spend so much time thinking about that person, wanting to be with that person, talk to that person, etc. but when it comes to God it's nowhere near that. He should get all that and more from us because there is a relationship between God and us if we have that relationship of course. I feel that i have learned that forsure throughout the years and it's something i have been constantly trying to apply. When there is a girl in my life, i want to talk to her, i want to be with her, i want to see her, i think about her, and so on but i feel that God should get a million more of that from me because He saved my life. He's been with me through thick and thin, never leaving me and i love him. God is love and without God in my life, my life is meaningless. So as i age another year i know God is going to teach me many more things and show me many more miracles/oppurtunities and i thank him for that. So i'll leave you guys and girls with a song and you can look it up on youtube and listen to the lyrics : Switchfoot - Dare You To Move. Thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

Happiness.

Dictionary definition of HAPPY: characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy.

God is happiness. Or in the words of my friend "Joy is from God, and happiness can be anything tiny from God". It's amazing when i think back how stupid i was to think that certain things made me happy in life, things that took me away from my true happiness which is God. I would feel happy in my sin because sin makes you feel good, you wouldn't be doing it if it made you feel bad. So having God back in my life really has made my life more happier. Pastor Chris actually talked about something today that i felt really got to me and made me think. He told us about how he wanted to date this one girl but God told him not to, but he still did and disobeyed God's wishes. Everytime he would pray to God while being with that girl, God would always say "break up with her, i don't want you dating her", but he said "make me break up with her if you want me to than." He challeneged God and by doing that, something terrible happened. I feel that i am like this with God many many times. In the past, i usually would depend on a girl to keep me happy so i would constantly have someone in my life at the time. But it's like most of them i wasn't supposed to date, but i went against God's wishes and nothing good came out of that relationship. The thing that is worse is that i pushed the girls away that actually could've impacted my life and strengthen my relationship with God because i was selfish and thought i knew what i wanted when i really didn't. The world can't make us happy. No matter how much we try to do things our way, if we don't listen to God and do his will, we will never know the true meaning of beying joyful or happy. God is my source of happiness and whenever i am feeling down, i need to remind myself of that because he is true happiness. He will make all the pain, worry, fear, sadness, anger, any negative emotion away. If you depend on God alone, he will take care of you because you are his son/daughter and he loves you so much. Growing up, i never really knew what it was like to have that motherly love, since my birth mother left me at the age of 1, but through that incident God showed me that love through my grandma. She was like my mom growing up, and my dad was working all day so i never really grew up with that fatherly support either. I needed to learn things that other kids learned from their parents on my own, and i felt because of that i was always a step behind. But God works in mysterious ways, and he gave me many gifts, talents, and skills that have helped me to become as strong as a person as i am today. One time during a retreat a guy prayed for me and said "God wants you to know that he loves you." and than after that he said "God says, 'I'll be that father to you paul. I'll be that father you need.'" That's just how God works. He is so amazing and it just leaves me in awe. During that time i actually got accepted to Azusa Pacific University and rejected to all the other colleges i applied to because i screwed up in my first 2 years of high school. But when i showed my dad my acceptance letter, all he could say was "You're so stupid you couldn't even get into Cal State Fullerton?" So i was just feeling pain because i wanted to make my dad proud but his expectations were way too much for me and i just could never reach it in my life ever. So God spoke to me through another person when i really needed it, and i love him so much for that. But God is always with us, and basically the point i'm trying to get across is that He is the source of true happiness. If you think that you are happy in this world and you dont know God, than you are just blinded in your sin because without him no one will know true happiness and joy. So i'll leave you guys and girls with this song and you can look it up on youtube and listen to the lyrics: Hillsongs - At The Cross. Thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

God v.s. the world.

If God asked you to give up all your material belongings, popularity/friends, and social status would you be able to do it instantly? If God asked me that question, i really can't say forsure that i would be able to give it all up. That is true for a lot of us, because we are too consumed by the worldly things and we get so caught up in trying to build a great life for us here on earth that we totally forget that once we die its all going to be a loss and the only things that are permanent are the treasures we store in Heaven. Of course God is not going to tell all his children to give up everything and isolate/have nothing to do with the world. But God did want us to be set apart from the worldly people, but i learned something good from both my old high school pastor Jundo and my new college pastor, Pastor Chris. Jundo said during his sermon that if someone were to go ask people at school that knew you, you're co-workers, or whoever it may be, what kind of person you are, how they would respond. The fact if they will be like "oh, he's a cool person to go drinking with, party with, go clubbing with, etc." or if they would say "he rocks the boat." You don't have to be those die-hard christians, but if you are called to be than be it. But just the fact that when people are around you, they can tell there is something that is different or stands out about you that lets them know you are a christian, not just by you saying you are. The way you act is a big way of how people will know that you have Jesus in your life, because you will live your life for him and his glory. I was talking to a friend today about God, and she said something that really stood out to me in the conversation. "I know that God doesn't just live in the church". This is true, God doesnt just live inside the church everyday. He is everywhere and always watching over his children. So wouldn't that make you think of how you are living out your week excluding the friday night bible studies and sunday worships knowing he is right beside you? He is our father, my father, and he loves us so much so to see us living our lifes to waste by just conforming to the world and not doing his will must hurt him a lot. I used to care so much about my image, how much people i knew, my social status. It's taking years and probably way more years to come, but i'm slowly starting to not care too much about the worldly ways and not conforming to its ways. I'm learning to humble myself more, so that i can be ready when God calls me to do something for his glory. So i'll leave you guys with a song and you can look it up on youtube: "Mercy Me - Spoken For and Hillsongs - Through It All and Mercy Me - Word Of God Speak". I decided to put 3 songs in this entry and i hope that you guys and girls enjoy them all. Listen to the lyrics and i hope you like them. Thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

Above All.

Isn't it just an amazing feeling knowing that someone will be with you through any trials/struggles in life, through good and bad, and always be on your side? Well God is always with you. No matter if you make mistakes in life or sin, he will always forgive you and embrace you with open arms as long as you ask for his forgiveness. Even if you go down the wrong path or make a wrong choice, he will always give you oppurtunities and chances to come back onto the right path. I usually end with a song you guys can look up on youtube but i'll just say it now and you guys and girls can listen to it while reading this: Michael W. Smith - Above All. These lyrics are just powerful. The chorus is what i want to focus on the most though. "Crucified, laid behind a stone. You lived to die, rejected and alone. Like a rose, trampled on the ground; You took the fall, and thought of me, above all. Jesus was crucified on the cross and laid behind a stone so our sins will be forgiven. When he first came into this world, he knew he was going to die soon enough and the pharisees turned the people against Jesus leaving him rejected and alone by man. Like a rose trampled on the ground is a metaphor. He was beaten down and bloodied up and was too severely wounded to lift himself up completely. He took all our sin and shame when he was on that cross, so we can be covered in his blood so God will always forgive us no matter what sin we commit as long as we ask for forgiveness. While waiting to die on the cross, Jesus thought of the very people that were mislead to believe that he was bad, and asked God to forgive them because they know not what they do. Finally, above all this pain and suffering he went through for us, he thought of you above everything else. I'm still in awe of it. But i didn't write this blog trying to make it sad, so i'll get to what's on my mind. Because Jesus went through so much so we can be forgiven for our sins, it really should make us re-evaluate the way we are living our lives. I'm not saying we should be perfect and never sin, because only Jesus could and did that. But i believe we as christians need to live our life fully for God so when we go to heaven we can say that we did the best we could to bring people to know him. I was watching Coach Carter the other day and they had a very interesting quote:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine as children do.
It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our own lights shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others."
A quick summary of this is really just be the best you can be. Don't be afraid to do something because you are afraid to fail and that you think people won't think you are good enough afterwards. God will always love you even in succession or failure. Just the fact that you tried your best is what God is looking for. So if we try new thing and people see that we fail but as christians we know God is still proud because we tried our best, they may start trying new things also and if they fail, be okay with it because they know they tried their hardest. It is also vice-versa for succession. Now this quote can be translated in many different ways, but i feel that when i was watching it, God put this certain situation in my head. But forsure there are many more different ways to translate it for different situations. So yeah thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

Humility.

Today in church, guest speaker Pastor Chris gave a sermon about humility. About how Moses was used not when he was in his prime age, but when he became humble at the age of 80 leading about 2 million people. That's just incredible to know that God can use anyone no matter how old you are, how big/tall you are, or how much abilities you may have. It's hard because my whole life i did grow up with a competitive strive in basically everything i did. I try my hardest to be humble and learn humility because i know that God will only bless me and use me with a certain ability if i can humble myself and not take the glory away from him. So it is still a work in progress for me, but i am slowly learning to be more patient and humble. God gives everyone different abilities, and no one has all abilities that was on earth except Jesus. So as our relationship with God grows stronger, we will learn all the abilities that he has given us and start putting them to use for his glory. And today i went early to church so i could catch up and talk with Jundo and finally got it set that i am going back to Dominican Republic this summer for missions. It's a good feeling because i was wanting to go back for so long, and now i finally get to. So these next few months are all fundraisers, planning stuff, and just getting my spiritual walk ready for all the new things God is going to teach me through this mission trip. So i'll leave you guys and girls with this song and you can look it up on youtube: Avalon - Everything To Me. Thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

Jesus, take the wheel.

In life, we always do what we need to, to get to where we want to go. We do the best we can in school, study hard, so we can get into a certain college of our choice so it will benefit us with our future job. We say that we trust God and that we will follow his plan, but when his plan is something different than what we want, we take the wheel and drive the direction we want to. Of course i'm like this at times too, but i try really hard now to just sit in the passenger seat and let Jesus take the wheel and guide me the way He wants me to go in life. I'm not saying we don't have a choice in what we want to do in life, because God gives us choices and it's what we choice that decide what kind of person we become in the future. Looking back in life, when i knew God wanted me to do a certain thing, but i wanted to do something else, it was a really hard journey. For example, i remember my pastor telling me that i shouldn't go out with this one girl, but i guess i wanted to go out with her. So i just totally disregarded what my pastor told me and still went out with her, oh boy was that a big mistake haha. There was just struggle after struggle, arguement after arguement, and honestly i knew it was because it just wasn't really supposed to even happen. I mean i can't say that it's a hard journey all the time because for some people it might be a different story, but for me it's that way most of the time. So i'll leave you guys and girls with two songs you can look up on youtube: Carrie Underwood - Jesus, Take the wheel and also Proto J - Closer To You. Thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

DR '09.

Dominican Republic Missions 2008 was just amazing. The experience there was eye-opening, and i was going there hoping to bless the children by teaching them God's love but in return i was blessed through it. I really want to go back this year to Dominican Republic, even if my church decides not to, i guess i will have to find some other way. There was a boy that became my friend there and his name was Michael. He was really young, and even though we couldnt really communicate well because of the language barrier, we still connected through God. He asked me if i was going to come back and I made a promise to him that i would come back forsure. It may seem like something little to all of you reading, but to me and him it was a promise that both of us wanted to happen. Sure the air was so humid and hot and the bathrooms were just horrible and smelly, but i would go through that for as long as i have to if i were doing it for God. All those small troubles go away and it's just such a blessing to be a part of it. I love the people of Dominican Republic. They may have way less than we do in the US, but they never complain and praise God for the little stuff they have. This all just came into my mind because since now i'm in the college ministry and the youth group is really in charge of the whole mission and who gets to go, i don't want to miss out on the oppurtunity to go. I made two promises that i intend to keep. The first one i made a promise to my friend Michael from Dominican Republic that i'll come back and the second one was a promise to God that i want to help people come to know Him and i'm willing to do whatever he wants me to. So i'll keep you guys and girls updated on this whole situation. Here's a song you can look up on youtube: 3 Doors Down - Let me be myself and also The Fray - You Found Me. I hope you enjoy it, and thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

I give you what you NEED, not what you WANT.

So today was a good/bad day. The bad part of my day was i guess my parents got into a fight last night and my uncle and cousin are here visiting from korea. So my brother and i have been showing them around and taking them places to see. But when i came home after class, i could tell the vibe was still there because when my dad came home he just went straight upstairs. So i just sat eating dinner and i hate it when my parents get into arguements and the next thing i hear is just doors slamming and all these loud noises because they were frustrated at each other and just pushing stuff onto the floor in separate rooms. So i just decided to go do my QT's and i guess just pray for them to forgive each other quickly. I read Psalms 34:4,6 which both talk about how David was praying to God when he was desperate, how the Lord listened, and how He took all David's troubles away. So i was just writing how i wish God can just hurry and let my parents forgive each other because them fighting affects the whole family really. Than after i finished my QT, i felt i still needed to spend more time so i started looking back at my recent entries. I noticed that i always prayed for stuff that i wanted in life. I would always talk about me, me, me and spend maybe a sentence or two only on someone else for a prayer request. Than for some reason i guess it was God saying to me: "Paul, I give you what you need, not what you want." At first i just shook it off because i just thought it was like my conscience telling me how selfish i sound in my recent entries, but that line kept coming and repeating in my mind. I realized that God gives me what i need in life, not the stuff that i want. Of course He will still listen and give me what's best for me, but if something i want is not what's best, than he will not give it and i need to know He's doing that for me. That wasn't really what i was expecting in an answer from God, haha but he always has a sense of humor with me. The good part of my day was i got an A on a test in my sociology class that was supposed to be the hardest test of the semester. I was so proud of myself because i studied so hard for that, and than when i came home i couldnt really tell anyone about it because everyone was just in a bad mood. But i realized that i don't need to. God is the one that congratulates me for my work and just as long as i try my best, he will always be proud of me and that's more than enough for me. Also in my journal where i do my QTs, there is always a famous line that has been said before and this one said, "Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some person ever reads." That also made me think about how im actually presenting myself whenever i'm out and how i act when people know that i am a Christian. Sorry for the long entry, but i had a lot on my mind today so just wanted to write it down somewhere. So i'll leave you guys and girls with this song and you can look it up on youtube and listen to the lyrics: Hillsongs - Desert Song. Thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

You know when something's worth it, when you have to work for it.

In life there are times when something will come easily and when you got to work hard for it. The ones that come so easily don't really give you the satisfaction as the ones you have to work hard for. This applies to anything in life such as: girlfriend/boyfriend, grades, getting a good job, surrounding yourself with good friends, and so on. The amount of effort you put into it really shows because you are willing to work hard for that certain thing. I remember in the past, everyone including me forsure, tried raising my social status as much as i could by meeting new people all the time, going out to just be seen so people will know who i am, and etc. But i realized that it's all really useless. That high school fame that you have will die out soon once you go to college because you separate from all the people that know you and than you try to raise your social status again in college and that will eventually die out when you graduate so it's really just a cycle. So basically during my junior year in high school, i just gave up the fact of it because i realized it's pointless. I don't need to be known by everyone in the world because honestly what is that going to matter in the future? All i need is to stay strong in God and know that he will send people that will help me in the future and help me stay strong, leading me to a better future. There are going to be times in my life where i will come upon people that will impact my life and i'll know when i get to know them and talk and hang out. It's basically all the people you meet while building up your social status, they are all just aquatinces that i just say hey to whenever i would randomly see them. That's fine and all but they really have no other meaning in your life. For working hard and studying hard to get a certain grade in a class it's the same thing. There may be someone that never studies or tries hard but still will get a A+ in the class and if you study hard and you end up with a B- or so, i say that B- is way more meaningful to the person that achieved it working hard, than the person who got the A+ so easily with no effort necessary. So i'll leave you guys and girls with a song you should listen to on youtube: Nelson - Breathless. Thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

Think too much.

Haha i have this problem of over thinking a situation way too much than necessary. It has caused many people in my life pain and i want to apologize for it. It's just how i've grown up in life always thinking of the worst possibilities of a situation and it is a bad habit that i do need to get rid of. But yeah forsure i'm not perfect. Far from it is a good way to describe it, but the only people that actually deserve your time is the people that prove they want to be in your life. Of course this isn't going to mean that i'm not going to ignore everyone who doesnt prove this, because i have to prove it to others also you know? It's just depending on a certain situation i guess like a girlfriend/boyfriend, a spouse, or a significant other if you will. The only way a relationship will work is if you have trust, love, and faith. You are trusting that your partner will be faithful to you and won't do anything to hurt you. You have love for each other because you care so much about the other person and love them more for their faults. You have two types of faith: the first type is being faithful to your partner and the other is having faith in each other completely. Of course you are going to have God's favor but these are the three things that are probably very important in a relationship. There are more important things, but i felt talking about these 3 in particular. So i'll leave you with this quote: "Be who you are, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

Do Over.

If you had a button that will just take you back in time so you can erase a mistake you regret in life and change it, wouldn't that be awesome? haha but too bad there isn't anything like that in the world...lol but i think if it's really meant to be, than there will always be more chances for you. But if you arent allowed that second chance than i guess that means you got to face the fact that it's not supposed to be. The way i view it is that even if i'm not given another chance, i still for some weird reason will lie to myself saying there's still hope. Basically i'm "hoping for the best, but expecting the worst" type of situation really. I'll just straight out admit it right now, i don't know what to do in this situation. I've been in it too many times to recall in the past but i still don't know what to do. So now i'm just going to turn to God and see if it's a for real thing, or if it's not because i tried my best and now its up to God really. So yeah just now that i guess i'm still confused even if i won't admit it at times, because this is js how i've grown up. I can hide my feelings well enough to make it seem like i dont care about that person anymore at all but of course on the inside its a totally different story and a lot of people have this ability. So yeah just wanted to get that off my chest and ill leave this song so u guys and girls can look it up and listen to the lyrics: Lee Carr - Do Over. So yeah, thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

Mercy Me - Bring The Rain.

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of

The dark clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what's a little rain

So I pray Holy, holy, holy Is the Lord God Almighty.

The lyrics itself is a full entry for me. So read the lyrics look up the song on youtube and enjoy it because the lyrics are just so strong and powerful. Thanks for reading.

-Paul Lem.

I am who I am.

In life, not everyone is going to like you. There is always going to be that select few that may dislike you because of a certain thing. I believe that society has just been teaching us that to be important or valued in this life you need to be successful. The thing is, everyone is different but still made in God's image. Don't feel you aren't good enough because a couple of people might say you aren't because that's just their opinion. You can't live your life based on what other people think of you because than you will never be happy with yourself because not everyone is going to like you physical appearance or personality. So how you view yourself is what you always need to remind yourself when someone may put you down saying things such as: "You're not good looking", "You're not smart enough", "You're boring and just not fun to be around", etc. These are just a few examples that people may say that may bring you down but don't let it. Luckily, i haven't dealed with these sayings in my life yet but im sure in some point in my life it will occur eventually. But the voice inside of you that says everything about you and what you have is the real you. God gives you that conscience that he made you perfect in his eyes, so remember that. I remember there was this one girl in high school that whenever i saw her and say "hey", she would always reply back "you're ugly paul." haha so i mean of course that got me down but later on when we graduated i found out that it was just her joking around and that she just felt i needed someone to remind me that not everyone that i meet in life will think im good looking. So it was a lesson that i needed to learn and i'm glad she taught me because i know so much about myself and who i am, that i just need to remind myself of this whenever i feel the need to prove myself to anyone. So yeah thanks for reading and until next time.



-Paul Lem.

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

Dang i randomly came upon this quote, and it just stuck out to me so i decided to write about it. I can't say that i fully understand this because it can be interpreted by everyone differently. For me, i think this quote is talking about how you need to take that image of how someone is supposed to act, care, and say towards you if they love you. If you just have a set of expectations for someone so that you feel loved only when they reach those expectations than you will never experience it. Because we all know nobody is perfect, but God himself. So i feel that this quote is trying to explain that we gained these expectations from past experiences, movies/tv shows, and just how society protrays love. But if you really think about it, love is different between all people. It depends on the two people in that relationship so there can be no set way to love someone because everyone loves differently or at least shows/expresses it differently. You just got to trust God that he will bring someone into your life that will love you how you God knows you are supposed to be loved, but until than we need to learn to forget all these expectations we set on our future relationships because if we keep them, than we will never be satisfied with it. I'll leave you all with this quote also: "In Relationships, thank God when you're hurting or crying. There you are given the chance to measure the importance of the relationship of the person and of yourself...then you grow." So yeah just something for you guys to think about, and thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

Lesson well learned.

So i went to the dentist today, found out that because i stalled in the past 2 years ago now i need to have much more stuff done. So spent about a good hour and a half today just starting one of two root canals, might have to get all my wisdom teeth pulled out, and also gotta clean my teeth a lot. The dentist is really chill and nice though. It's a female which makes it way better because male dentist are just straight up mean when they deliever the news, so she was very nice when she told me that i have to come back once a week for the next two months...The lesson i learned today is DO NOT STALL SOMETHING JUST BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO DO IT. I guess it's really my fault for all this but i'm just going to have to deal with it and at least the girl helpers are really nice to so it's a good atmosphere to be in when i'm getting pwned lol =P so yeah, thanks for reading.



-Paul Lem.

Patience.

I need to learn to be patient. I let my emotions get the best of me and react depending on them and i know it's a really bad habit. It sucks because usually i would say something or do something that i really dont want to say or do, but i can't even apologize for it because the damage is already done. It's hard living life like this because something in my mind will just trigger from a bad memory... and based on that if i come into a similar situation than i react based on all my emotions and basically end it before there is that chance to start it. I'm trying real hard to get through this, and i know its totally unfair to you for dealing with all this. All i can say is im far from perfect and i just try my hardest and now its all in God's hands for our future and if he even wants a future to happen. If you guys and girls dont already know this about me, i usually like listening to songs that depends on my mood at the time, i mean i listen to a little bit of everything, but when i'm feeling a certain emotion i'll lean more towards that so i guess i'll leave you guys with this song: Gio - Every Breath and David Archuleta - Crush. Thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.

Too much for my own good.

Do you ever get those times in your life where you are just out of it? Like you will be hanging out with your friends and it's like your body is there but your mind is just gone. Well i get that a lot. It's probably the fact that i think way too much. Because of all my past experiences and whatnot, i feel that i know well enough on how to react to a situation but than i still overthink it way too much. It sucks because overthinking a situation usually makes it a lot worse than what it really is. I noticed through all my thinking that i am way too selfish. All i ever think about is what is going to benefit me, how i need to get a good job so i can support my family later when i start one, etc. Growing up in life, there was always someone that i had to satisfy and when i dont reach their expectations i feel like i let them down and i'm just not good enough. The thing is, thats just how life is...there are always going to be those people that mean a lot to you that you want to js know that they are proud of you. i realized through many hard times that if you keep living life trying to reach other people's expectations, you will never be happy with yourself and how amazing of a person you really are in God's eyes. I'm done living my life for others, i mean its my life so i should be doing what i want and not what others want me to do. But the real reason for my title "Too much for my own good." is that my whole life has been struggle after struggle, hardship after hardship, pain after pain, and falling short of the people that i care about the most and their expectations countless times. Because my whole life has been so negative and basically hard, it's hard for me to imagine or even have a good point in my life. Don't get me wrong, God is good and He has been such an amazing Father to me and i'm not here to just complain, but because of all the bad times i've been through in life, once i have something good in my life it's surreal to me so i dont even believe that it's mine even though it is. That's why i've had too much "bad experiences in life" for my own good. I take for granted all the good people and things in my life because i just don't know how to react or live with it in my life because its something new to me. I hurt people that have been good to me and just want to care for me because i push away or end up hurting them before they might have the chance to hurt me. I mean i'm all about taking risks and chances in life because i love random and spontaneous stuff, but it's just when it comes to my relationships. I'm trying real hard to trust God that He will send someone that will heal me of this hurt that i've experienced with my birth mother, but until i gotta try my hardest to trust you and i want you to know that i am trying real hard. Sorry for such a long post but most likely all my other posts are going to be long as well haha ;P so yeah thanks for reading.


-Paul Lem.